My Gradual Journey from Carnivore to Vegan

If you asked me 5 years ago if I’d ever become vegan, I would’ve said no. I don’t even know if I would’ve said ‘maybe’ to the idea of becoming vegetarian.

Yet, I was vegetarian for nearly four years, and more recently, for the last couple months, I’ve become vegan. Now, I can’t imagine going back. How did I get here?

My journey started with a quiet personal realization. No gut-wrenching documentary on the meat industry needed. I already knew all I needed to know to understand how I really felt about it. It was just about listening to the voice inside myself that had been gently saying for a long time: Ideally, I would be vegetarian.

I didn’t really believe in eating animals, but I’d spent decades of my life doing so. I couldn’t imagine changing something that integral to my lifestyle. So many of my favorite foods included meat.

At age 29, looking ahead at my 30th birthday getting closer each day, I had a major wake up call. That year, the mother of one of my long-time friends passed away. In the face of this unexpected tragedy, time started to have a different meaning to me. There were so many things―things that meant the world to me like writing my first book―that I’d told myself I’d do someday.

When is ‘someday’? How do you schedule ‘someday’ in your calendar?

I realized that I couldn’t leave the most important things in my life to such an abstract, uncertain concept of when I’d actually do them. If I wasn’t working towards these goals today, I may never see them through. We never know when our time is going to run out.

This realization led me to my current theories on core values and how living them out is the key to contentment and reaching the best version of yourself.

I made a number of changes for the better. I started writing every day. I saw how living with empathy at the forefront of my choices makes me happier. I actively worked on increasing my emotional intelligence.

And suddenly, I could hear loud and clear my previously-buried belief that I’d like to be vegetarian. If I could make all these other changes, why not this one?

I chose to do it gradually, becoming pescatarian, vegetarian, eliminating eggs, and then a long delay in eliminating dairy, which I was particularly attached to. For those interested in making a major dietary change, I would recommend the gradual method for most.

Each and every dietary change affects our health and lifestyle. Taking smaller steps allows you to get your bearings before you move on to the next change.

Step 1: Pescatarian

I think subconsciously my desire for a dietary change had been knocking at the door of my mind for a while. In the spring of 2018, I had the realization that I hadn’t had any meat other than poultry in a long time. One day, I decided I’d gradually work towards becoming pescatarian. Later that same day, I switched gears and found myself throwing out all the meat in my apartment at once. Rather wasteful. Faced with the same choice today, I’d likely give it all away to my carnivore friends and family. But I get it: Once I was done consuming meat, I was done. There was something so fulfilling in making the choice and carrying it out fully right away.

Once I started, it was far easier to maintain than I originally thought it’d be. Although I did miss a number of foods like roasted chicken sandwiches from my favorite local sandwich shop (I could go on. I certainly did not become pescatarian because I didn’t enjoy the flavor of meat), there was also an unexpectedly positive effect: I felt so much more aligned with what I believe in. Now, there was meaning in my eating habits beyond flavor and nutrition. The times when I’d have to be a little more creative for an acceptable meal for myself became a way of affirming who I am.

Additionally, instead of focusing on lack, on what I was choosing to no longer eat, I discovered a new enjoyment of foods I didn’t usually consume. I went hard into indulging in fish and eggs. Eggs Benedict with avocado instead of Canadian bacon. Salmon and veggies. Beer-battered fish and chips. Truth be told, this was a rather delicious change to my diet.

Step 2: Vegetarian

There wasn’t a lot of seafood in my diet as a kid. Eating fish was something I started doing more as an adult. A salmon plate with veggies was my go-to meal at chess tournaments before rounds. I felt it was the perfect meal in terms of something tasty yet healthy to fuel me through hours of focused mental exertion. Crab legs or lobster tail dipped in drawn butter were two of my ultimate indulgence foods.

Still, because my enjoyment of these foods wasn’t deeply-rooted, they were easier to let go of. Salmon was the one exception. The flavor reminded me of the baked salmon my mom would make growing up, which I greatly enjoyed. Changing my diet so much has made me aware of how much our memories associated with certain foods affects our enjoyment of them.

As I pondered whether I really wanted to become vegetarian, the question came to mind: Do I feel empathy towards fish?

Often, the closer a being is to yourself, the easier it is to feel empathy. Pets are easy to feel empathy towards because they experience emotions and interact in a lot of ways like human beings. I can think of the time as a teenager when I was sad in my room, and my family’s dog saw me from the door and came and cuddled up next to me. For me, it isn’t that hard to transfer that over to fellow mammals like farm animals.

But fish. I haven’t been around many fish. When I have, they’ve seemed like these emotionless beings floating around the water. Their forms of communication aren’t much like ours. I feel a distance from fish.

The realization that helped me see fish more empathetically is quite odd, I admit. I realized that I would feel bad about harm coming to one of those really pretty colorful fish, which opened me up to seeing all fish differently. I mean, was I really going to allow something as superficial as appearance affect the level of empathy I approach a living being with?

In addition, I had always seen pescatarian as a stepping stone to becoming vegetarian. About a month after becoming pescatarian, I switched over to vegetarian, which meant giving up newfound high influx of fish that had found its way into my diet.

Despite giving up some foods I had recently grown to enjoy, I found becoming vegetarian to be quite freeing. It opened my mind to the possibilities of what a ‘real’ meal can be. It was liberating to realize that a meal doesn’t have to be centered around meat or fish to be nutritious, protein-sufficient, and satisfying.

I started eating a lot of bowl-style meals with beans or lentils, veggies, and greens. I also often consumed hard-boiled eggs and cottage cheese, which reminded me of breakfasts with my grandma as a kid, as convenient sources of protein. I think it’s a misunderstanding that it’s hard to get enough protein on a vegetarian or even vegan diet. I’ve never had an issue in that area.

The number one nutrient I’ve found that I had to watch out for as a vegetarian was b-12. Personally, I supplement b-12 every morning (this is a vitamin you definitely don’t want to be deficient in). There are also some vegan foods that are fortified with it, such as some plant-based milks/cereals and nutritional yeast.

Step 3: Lacto Vegetarian / Giving Up Eggs

I was at the grocery store, buying a package of eggs from one of those brands that touts how happy and well-treated their hens are, when a question came to mind: What happens to the male chickens in the egg industry? When I got home, I looked up what the brand I’d purchased specifically does, thinking this would be an easier-to-stomach answer than the typical brands. It wasn’t. I gave up eggs that day.

While I liked the flavor of eggs and found them useful as an inexpensive and readily-available protein, I didn’t like the consistency of many egg dishes, so eggs themselves weren’t so hard to give up. The thing that was difficult was their usage in creamy sauces (I just love creamy sauces: ranch to dip anything in, creamy vodka sauce over penne, herb aioli on sandwiches, creamy garlic sauce to put on virtually everything). I initially went cold turkey, and even switched to vegan ranch (The Follow Your Heart brand has an awesome one). But I softened on this one in time, making an exception for egg in sauces only.

The thing is, there are amazing vegan creamy sauces. Cashew cream can act as a yummy base for pretty much any flavor. As these sauces become more widely available in grocery stores and restaurants, the draw for egg to create delicious sauces will disappear.

Step 4: Vegan / Giving Up Cheese

That left pretty much left dairy as the one thing between me and becoming vegan (there’s also honey and non-cruelty-free products, but I haven’t found these to be particularly difficult to let go of). Really, that left cheese. I had switched to the nut milks in my coffee. Cooking with olive oil instead of butter is pretty easy. But cheese. Next to avocado (so grateful that’s vegan), cheese was my favorite food. 

And while I have discovered some yummy vegan cheeses, they are not the same thing. There just isn’t an impossible burger equivalent for cheese.

So, this next step was by far the most difficult one for me. I was a lacto vegetarian for nearly four years, wanting to become vegan but unsure of if I could really do it.

Also, I didn’t want to change my diet to something so far from the norm that average places don’t offer meals I can eat. If I’m out with friends having late night munchies, as a vegetarian, there was always a grilled cheese or something I could fall back on as a simple, protein-sufficient, and readily-available food I could eat.

As a vegan, for some places your options are: side salad or fries. No meals. No protein. I had a lot of fear of this limitation.

I comforted myself with the idea that animals don’t have to be harmed to take their milk. The truth is, though, I knew if I looked into the dairy industry, it would get ugly. So I didn’t look.

Why was I so attached to dairy? I think the biggest reason was sentimental. Food is so connected to our memories. I could eat a batch of mac and cheese and be transported back to my seven-year-old self, sitting at the dinner table of my childhood home with my mom and little sister, watching Carissa Explains It All. I could have a bite of havarti and see the rolling hills surrounding Casa de Fruta, the place where I first tried it, on family trips home from Northern California. I could have a sliver of brie and be back overlooking the Topanga hills, drinking wine and eating cheese with one of my closest friends.

I couldn’t see myself giving those experiences up.

Our memories are what give us a sense of who we are. That’s why our eating habits can feel like an essential part of us.

Eventually, though, I saw it as a question of memories vs. my values now. What really matters more, the past or who I want to be moving forward?

It’s a lot like the writing principle of ‘kill your darlings’―not letting your attachment to a scene get in the way of the greater story you’re trying to tell. For me, veganism is about not letting my attachment to a flavor, a fleeting experience, get in the way of the overall person I’m trying to be.

It’s not about what I’ve given up. It’s about what I’ve gained.

To my surprise and delight, I’ve also discovered many foods that I likely wouldn’t have discovered otherwise. Like teriyaki marinated baked tofu. Cauliflower alfredo sauce. Hummus and veggie wraps. And vegan Caesar salad (I’ve found that I like it much better sans anchovies). Frankly, there is a ton of great vegan food out there.

There’s no judgment on my end for those who consume meat, etc. I certainly understand all the reasons to continue doing so―I did for decades. But, if you are interested in making a change, I can tell you that it’s actually far more doable than it seems. Though it involves giving up things, there’s a whole world of discovery when you open that door too.

I think veganism is the future. More and more awesome new vegan products are appearing everyday. And more will be created as more people become vegan… or even just as non-vegans increase the number of vegan meals they have in their week.

Personally, I’m really content to have reached a point I didn’t think possible. For so long, the idea was a distant and abstract hope. Now, for me, someday is today.